his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
