I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My feet surprised me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
