I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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