This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
babies were throwing up all over the place
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
