i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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