also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
