I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
