You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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