He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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