White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
