My balls are so social today.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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