hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
