How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
