Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
