I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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