I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
