Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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