There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone signed my nipple.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
