She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
