i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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