if i can run in heels then i can drive
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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