im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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