sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
