Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
