Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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