he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
