after a month anything with tits is on the radar
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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