I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
