this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
