I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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