My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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