it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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