OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
