I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
