hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
