....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i think i scared a bird with my dick
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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