What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
