Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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