why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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