she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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