After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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