I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
