New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
