Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
