It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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