Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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