if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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