Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
