you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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