Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
