i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
