sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just blew my weed a kiss
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
