Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize