Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
