Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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