yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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