i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
