I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
