My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
