You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize