he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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