Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
