Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
