My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
