I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
